At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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