I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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