update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
