My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
