Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
