I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
