Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
