hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
