They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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