so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
