good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
