I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
