my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
