The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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