he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize