he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
