she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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