its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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