Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
