I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
