The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
