If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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