So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
