thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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