i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
