Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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