ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
