I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
