I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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