Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
