Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
