all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
