I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
