There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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