I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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