What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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