Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
