i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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