Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
