he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
