I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
