That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
