so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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