So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
