if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
