omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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