So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
