everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize