Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
