My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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