The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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