I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
