WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we made out on top of his cat.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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