Umm I'm too high to move.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
