the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
