just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
