Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
