Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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