my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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