I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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