I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize