Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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