Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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