so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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