do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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