Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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