Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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