just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
