Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
