I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
