it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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